The other night I fell asleep in front of the TV. In the blurry mix between left-over jet-lag and a particularly nasty bout of the flu that is doing the rounds on our fair isles, a pretty bizarre dream transpired. Well, they often say that the last thing on your mind influences you dream ALOT and it couldn't have been more true in this case. Just before I succumbed to the land of nod, I was enjoying the pop-culture delights of the latest (US) version of American Idol from the comfort of my sofa (for the more cultured lot of you: a singing talent show with celebrity judges) - and so as luck/horror would have it, my dream world was transformed into the audition room of this by now very VERY famous singing and talent show.
There I was standing in front of Steven Tyler, Jennifer Lopez and Randy Jackson - when a very sharp voice drew my attention to the very unreal reality unfolding in front of me .."So honey, what ARE you going to sing for us?" the honey-edged vocals of Jenny-from-the-block enquired from me insistingly (honestly, that woman cannot be the same age as me.. and 2 kids, I didn't even have skin like that at 22?!?!?). Errrr ... fumble.. stutter.... sweat... panic. My mind went furiously searching through my rather randomly eclectic itunes favourite list, for a moment considered my shower-karaoke collection and then settled on the one song that was etched onto my soul ever since I had to stand-in for the lead role (unfortunate incident with a twirling baton) of our school musical - "Somewhere over the rainbow".
Just as I remembered all the little tips my darling singing teacher from all those year's ago - sister Geraldine (yes, I attended a convent school) - used to whisper in my ear to distract me from those pesky nerves, the most peculiar feeling washed over me. As if from the very center of my soul came a voice that wanted to be heard, needed to be noticed .... insisting me to listen.
It was Dorothy?!?!?! to be more precise, Judy Garland as Dorothy ?!?!?! Considering I was not in the habit of any illegal substances and doubting that magic mushrooms had become a required ingredient for cough-mixture... this was all a little strange. Typical me though (its always good to know you are yourself in a dream) cannot resist a good spooky weird surreal incident and decided to listen.
"Whats up Judy.. erm, I mean Dorothy?" with too many celebrities in the room, you can't be sure if they are in character or not. "Don't sing that honey!!!" she insisted with me. Now I am very clear about my occasional lack of vocal prowess, but surely my not brilliant but also not too shabby version of this beautiful classic was not that bad that even an imaginary little girl felt the need to save the worlds ears from it? "Don't sing honey..... its not your talent. Show them what is really you.... show them YOUR talent?" What was more perplexing than the fact that at this point she just vanished was the overwhelming fact that I had absolutely no idea .
"What do you mean with my TALENT? .. I don't have a talent?!?!? I can't particularly draw, apart from smiley faces and stick men and I am ok at sports .. but nothing out of the ordinary. Although I have been singing for quite some time, honestly it was a fun thing to do but never showed the potential to go anywhere. Can't sing, can't draw, can't act... and then my mind when into a dizzy spiral Jay-Z like rap off all my shortcomings-crap taking me right back to school when it really emerged that I was just little Miss Average. Pretty good at most things ... but not really special at anything BIG.
"Are you ready now? ok? Ready to sing - give us your all, don't worry about the nerves" lovely J-LO tried to encourage me. Its not nerves honey - I thought - its totally the wrong place and time for me. Just then I got to courage to speak up and felt almost stunned that I wasn't as shy and awkward as I thought I would be. " I really shouldn't be here - I really cannot sing, really.. I am just going to go." was my somewhat defeated exit-statement that started me towards the door. "Hang on sweetie, really this is a TALENT show .... we just assumed you would sing. So what is your talent, tell us a little bit about it" she persuaded me not to leave (funny how easily one can be persuaded by an iconic popstar... yes, sure,anything you say:):)
There I was, for the first time having to say out loud who or what I was. My first thought was about how weird it was that I had never been asked that before, that no-one and no situation had ever required me to "audition" myself. Sure, we kind of do this when we get jobs or enter into new relationships, but it was never this straight out, straight forward ..... proud, yet humble and strong. "Go on, you can do it " she was coaching me now " Just start with, my name is ... and I am...." bless her, she was trying so hard (I couldn't believe that in a moment like this I was wondering if that was her real hair!!!! Concentrate!!!!).
Here I go ....
At that point I woke up.... awwww .... but was so freaked out that I just grabbed a piece of paper and somewhat possessed wrote down all the things I thought were notable about me. What I was good at, what I thought I was exceptional at.... and just what made me stand out from the crowd.
Our talents are not always obvious or straight forward or even just in one area of our life. We are all talented in something - your main talent being JUST PERFECTLY YOU!!! If you struggle to write your list ask your friends or loved-ones what they admire about you.
Write your list today and keep adding to it all the time.
Keep it somewhere special.
*I keep mine with me all the time, well .. you never know when that extra special audition
comes along where you need to present to the world how uniquely talented you are:):)
BE YOUR OWN STAR!!! .. and shine:)
