For a moment there, my brain called a time-out to itself, huddled together and wondered ..... How do you explain something that permeates through your whole life? That has pulled you back from an inner brink repeatedly? Has explained yourself to yourself?... and is the reason you are still breathing, walking and talking today? WOW, thats a tough one. One part wanted to break out into melodramatic prose, giving an almost Romeo and Juliet crescendo to the explanation, the other just wanted to hold her hand, look deep into her eyes and in zen-like extra sensory communication transfer a feeling of knowing to her through the simple vessel of a smile. Time-out finished, back to reality - you're on.
"Well, its a tool of a thousand uses" I started. "Ya, he already said that" she replied wanting more. "... its a method whereby you pose questions to yourself that let you see what you had not previously considered" I offered as a top up (quite pleased with myself). When she tilted her head and looked at me like I had just explained a recipe for pancakes in Russian, I knew I had to dig deeper to deliver the goods. Just then a little phrase came to mind that had never let me down before - the proof is in the results... bingo.
"I am going to give you an example of how my mind used to work and how I felt before I learned the method and compare it to now, sometime later that I have had plenty of practice with it. A person in my life has done something that at first I thought I could handle, but over the past couple of days it has started to really make me angry. I have thought about it repeatedly and find that not only has the volume been turned up louder and louder each day,but that it has also started to make me act a little nuts. The more I think about it (and by now I can't help it or stop the thinking) the more that person annoys me, the more I annoy myself for letting myself get so fired up and the more the whole world annoys me. The lack of parking is now an issue, my cat is getting a mere fraction of its usual affection, the people around me have started to treat me like I am a bomb ready to cause devastation accidentally setoff by a random misplaced smile or helpful comment like "you look awful honey". I basically am ready to blow like a menacing volcano of anger,fear,hate and self-destruction. On top of all this misery, tension and and just sheer madness at the world I am now also having trouble sleeping, concentrating, eating and a whole host of other processes essential for wellness and well-being have become .... well, stuck ( I will spare you the bowel part of the description)." "Have you ever felt like this before?" I enquired delicately. "I have two teenage children, when have I not felt like this!" she answered with an almost undetectable hiss under her voice. "But go on, I would love to know how asking myself a couple of questions will stop me from wanting to change the locks and send them to a compulsory work-camp as soon as I try to go into either of their garbage landscaped bedrooms".Trying to dodge the sarcasm that just missed me as deftly as possible, I continued.
"Well, I can honestly say that with a little bit of practice and continued application of this process of asking myself these questions, roller-coaster rides of emotions like I described earlier hardly ever happen to me anymore (except of course on THAT day so that it was nice and fresh in my mind for the purpose of explaining this as vividly as possible, thanks;). As soon as something or someone comes up who annoys me or even just irritates me a little, I take out my form that has the question printed out on them, I follow the instructions and .....".
"And what ... what what what" she interrupted insistently, clutching my hand as if her life depended on it. "Then everything is fine and you're all happy, like happy all the time?" She nodded almost feverishly at me willing a confirmation out of me "Well, no not exactly ..... there is just nothing" I assured her confidently. The akward silence that followed and the ever so slight drop of her jaw said everything she didn't have to. "You're kidding me, right" dropped out of her by now open mouth after a few moments. Its going to be fun digging myself out of this one, I thought.
"Well, no not really. The questions show me that what that person is doing has both benefits and drawbacks, that is has purpose and a direction and that I do similar things all the time. It shows up things that I hadn't considered before and lets me see that the situation is balanced meaning that wether they do this or don't do this .... both scenarios have equal benefits and drawbacks... so really either one is fine by me. I am neither happy nor sad and I neither want them to continue doing it or stop doing it because in both events I gain and loose equally. So really, its even, its balanced ..... there are no crazy thoughts, no ratty behavior, no volcano-like outbursts that could make my friends question the safety of their children around me.... just nothing."
"Ah, I see ... ok, I get that" she added as the two deep furrows between her eyes loosed their grip on her arched eyebrows "but if I am getting this Demartini thingy right, then there can't just be nothing there also has to be something to balance it out ... right?"At that moment my legs almost gave way from out under me in just sheer awe of people's capacity to understand these concepts at lightning speed.
"There definitely is something" I replied "something very profound that happens to me when I go through the sheet and answer the questions. Right at the end of the last column by whole body and mind go quiet and the most amazing stillness sweeps in through me. Most of the time I get a tingly feeling that comes up from my feet and rushes like tiny little bubbles all over my skin. This feeling I get takes me right back to a memory as a small child in spring one year. I remember feeling the warm rays of the sun on my face and arms, hearing the exciting song of birds and picking up a ladybug from a blade of grass that still had the morning dew on it - it was perfect, I was mesmerized. That is the something I gain, just for a couple of seconds or so.... that feeling,.... that absolute knowing that my life is perfect just as it is, that I am prefect just as I am and that nothing will ever change that."
"I am certainly not going to argue with that" she smiled, patted me on the shoulder and signed up for the weekend too:)
