Most of us have various health checks during the course of our lives or at least a dental checkup here and there. I wonder how many of us have had our hearing checked? I can pretty much guarantee you that your hearing is really REALLY bad at times. I am not referring to those times when you just zone out or selectively choose not to hear, but rather that most of us never really hear what the person is actually saying.
Let me illustrate:
A couple about to go out for the evening:
Him: " Ready to go honey"
Her: "Just a minute"
Him: " Ok honey"
Her: " How does this outfit look?"
Him: "Great"
Her: "Fine"
We all know that ALOT more communication is going on here than what seems apparent and a more accurate representation would be something like this:
A couple about to go out for the evening: *italics shows what they are thinking*
Him: " Ready to go honey?"... for goodness sake does this have to happen every time, we are late.
Her: "Just a minute" .... I wish he wouldn't bug me it just takes how long it takes and I can hear in his voice he is annoyed and that means the whole evening is ruined
Him: " Ok honey"... just a minute usually means half an hour or more but if I start arguing now already it will just all go wrong.
Her: " How does this outfit look?" ... I hate asking this but I am not quite sure and I so want him to be proud of me. That "ok honey" was a little too fast.. he is probably mad already.
Him: "Great" ... hurry up. hurry up. What on earth do I know about women's clothing!!!!
Her: "Fine".. I can't believe he just said "Fine". he hates it. He doesn't think I am pretty. He doesn't care what I wear and what I look like.......
Surplus hearing.. heard of it?
Can you see that in reality we ALL have a problem with hearing too much. "Hearing" things with our imagination that weren't even said. Its what our mind does, it adds MEANING through INTERPRETATION with everything we hear, see and taste. Just like a song reminds us of someone or a taste reminds us of something the connection between what we hear and what he think that person meant is lightening fast. Its almost too fast to distinguish but lets give it a try.
In my case I particularly notice this when I get criticised. When I get criticised most of the time I also "HEAR" with my imagination that the person said I wasn't good enough and they don't like me. What is even more amazing when different people criticise me, my imagination adds on different MEANING. When my boss used to criticise me, I also imagined that it was because I was actually bad at my job overall. When my closest friends criticise me I also "hear" that they don't want to be with me. The most extreme case of this surplus hearing usually happens with the people we love the most, whose opinions matter the most to us. When they say " Don't do that" or "I don't agree with that" your mind hears " You don't matter to me and I don't love you".
Your challenge .. try this!
The next time your boss, your friend or parent criticises you, I invite you to take the challenge and sort apart which part they said and which part your mind added on as meaning .... and ask yourself " Is that really the truth?". You'll probably find that their communication was far less hurtful than you thought and that your interpretation is a little heavy on the dramatics and perhaps even worth an oscar:)
