Throughout history introspection, philosophy and self-improvement has been fair and square in the domain of learned scholars and elite intellectuals. These matters used to be only for those who had the schooling and aptitude for many a good scripture or manuscript written in languid poetry and prose or even some foreign code or language.
Well, times have changed ........... ALOT in fact!!!!
Now we have the Internet, and within it an information and social media explosion with not enough hours in the day to even make sense of where to start, what to read and then how to figure out what is relevant.
I have done an awful lot of frog-kissing in the journey of my transformation.
Within this endeavour, I have read an enormous amount of the highlighted and must-read books of the self-development genre and attended many (.. too many) of the famous and infamous courses that are lining the pockets of the great (and not-so great) motivational speakers and conduits of personal transformation.
Apart from the numerous nuggets of insights and the occasional walkout of a seminar that was just too left-field for my taste - I kept coming away with the feeling that access to the tools of personal transformation where really not as accessible as they would seem. Unless you had a rather large amount of cash (often paid up front without knowing what to expect), a rather large amount of free time ( change does after all take practice and dedication and .. time) and even more troubling unless you had an IQ well above average, MOST of the information would enter and leave your head as fast as when your mum used to tell you to get away from the TV, brush your teeth and go to bed. ..... in the one ear, out the other.
I am here to give you the good news. Self-development is neither difficult, nor does it need to cost the earth and a fancy boarding school education with a swish postcode neighbourhood is not required either.
I does require the following:
1) the desire to change. Most importantly recognising that to change your world, the change is YOURS, even if you believe you are the aggrieved/victim in a situation.
2) have an open mind. Your journey towards change is only really possible once you remove your iron clad grip on wanting or needing to be right - your view, and you are most welcome and entitled to it, is however not the only one out there.
3) an understanding that this is not an overnight job. If you have thought about yourself and the world around you in one way all your life, asking your mind to consider it in another light will take some time getting used to. Compassion and patience are good fellows in this endeavour that will require practice and dedication.
Right, if that sounds like something you identify with, I would very much like to welcome
you to a fabulous hobby, a most rewarding personal investment and something I have literally been obsessed with for the last decade called:
THE JOURNEY OF PERSONAL TRANSFORMATION...
it really begins with 3 steps.
before you read any book, dive into any school of thought or even read this blog any further I would love to induct you into the absolute foundation, the 3 basic concepts that under-pin the entire breadth of introspection and the inevitable shift within you.
* I also like to think of these three concepts as the 3 things you didn't learn, your parents never taught you (and probably didn't know of either) but have the power to RADICALLY change and empower your life.
A - YOUR THOUGHTS ARE NOT THE TRUTH!!!!
Usually that gets at least a couple of "WHAT?"s and sometimes a few perplexed "What do you mean's.
Your thoughts are your very own, individual and unique perception. It is your take on a thing, your spin, your interpretation. Just like your iris (coloured part of eye) and your finger-prints are like no one else's on earth - your thoughts, your perceptions - are completely and utterly unique to you. The good news is - to you your perception is "the truth" it will seem "real" and "absolute". The bad news is - there are 8 billion other people on this planet who all believe that their thoughts and their view is the "only" and "correct" one. I am sure you can see the difficulty this provides for effective communication, collaboration and even just the basics of any type of relationship.
What is truth to you, is opinion to someone else. You are entitled to yours, they are to theirs. Yours was formed through a melting of your upbringing, ideas, experiences and imagination .. and so was theirs. The trouble really starts, for us and others when we find ourselves in the place where your thoughts tell you that only your version of the world is "THE truth" and only you are correct. That opens all sorts of different cans of worms.
We all live our lives according to what we believe is MOST important to us - whatever that may be. To some that is family, to some that is a particular belief or religion and to others that is the beliefs of the community or culture they were born into. Again - what is important to me may not be important to you. That does NOT make you wrong and me right - but it does make us different people with different beliefs, living according to what is most important to us as individuals.
Which leads us to the important question of "how do I know what is truth?" - by
doing B....
B - ASK QUESTIONS????
Question your thoughts. Now at first that may sound a little trippy and for the vast majority of human beings a completely new experience all together. Did you KNOW you can ask your own mind questions??? (* it is apparently what sets us apart from the animals we share this planet with). YES:) you can stop your thoughts in their tracks and have a conversation with them.
For example imagine your Mind thinking the following..
MIND: I can't believe that person jumped the queue - how rude!
YOU ASK: Is that really the truth?
MIND: of course it is .. I saw them.. they jumped the queue!!!!!!
YOU ASK: Can you really be sure that they were being rude?
MIND: I SAW THEM (insisting) .... they jumped the queue
YOU ASK: but does that immediately make them rude? Are you sure you have all the facts?
QUESTION your thoughts!!!!! Can you remember that song where the guy was talking about
all the advice.... "wear sunscreen" he urged us. Well, that song should really also include "Question your thoughts". Honour the homo sapien's journey from water, to land, to upright, to civilized, to cultivated, to industrialized .... activate the gift evolution has given you and question your mind.
After all they are only your thoughts, how can you be sure that you have the only correct or plausible interpretation of something. In the example above the person may have quickly had to step out to the toilet or put more money into their parking meter, perhaps they were joining a person already in the queue. Your mind has ALOT to do, and the idea that it could have the "right" spin on everything is ludicrous - there is just so much.
Our thoughts have an enormously big job. They let us know what we are sensing and how we are interpreting the universe around us. They were never meant to be the absolute analysis of what is going on - they are just meant to be YOUR analysis of what is going on. They help us to stay safe, stay warm, find food and interpret the emotions we feel ... big BIG job. Like the speedometer in your car and the petrol indicator on your dashboard, your thoughts are just telling you about your current situation - feedback mechanisms of your unique evaluation of what is going on. Your thoughts are not the whole truth.
This of course lead to the obvious question of "Well then what exactly IS the whole truth????"... explored in C...
C - THE GLASS IS HALF FULL AND HALF EMPTY.
The truth is what is going on irregardless of how you evaluate or interpret it. It was there before humans ever walked this earth and will continue should our species wither with the passing of time.
Different people call it different names: God, Spirit, the universe - call it whatever you wish. It is the thread that runs through everything, includes everyone and encompasses all. It is that thing that is bigger than everything and all of us. It is summer and winter, light and dark, up and down, far and near - it is everything and all. Like a magnet it incorporates both extremes and all the variations within it.
Just like the moon or perhaps a coin lying on the table in front of you it seems to only have one side. When we look at objects we can only see the side that is directly facing us. Isn't it amazing that your mind knows that the coin has another side and there is in fact a dark side of the moon. When it comes to your thoughts your mind seems to have developed temporary amnesia - it truly believes that your interpretation IS the only one, completely ignoring that there is a second (to your mind invisible) side to the story.
For a moment fill a glass half-way with water. Ask several people's opinion of whether the glass is half-full or half-empty. You will receive an array of different answers, perhaps people may even start to argue with one another whether it is one or the other. Just like the moon is made up of its light and its dark side - the glass is both half-full and half-empty. Just like the coin is made up of the side that is facing you as well as the side that is currently hidden from you - your thoughts will have you convinced that your interpretation is the only one and the other (that is hidden) does in fact not exist at all. Like the - and + side of a magnet cannot be removed from one another no matter how many or small pieces you cut the magnet into, there will always be two equal and opposite sides directly attached to each other.
This is THE TRUTH the universe is made up of irregardless of whether your mind sees a person or a situation fully and completely or not - like Dr John Demartini calls it: a synthesis and synchronicity of complementary opposites.
I hear you say "Well why does any of this matter to me" - fabulous question!!!!!!
One of the most powerful things I ever read was the following Buddhist quote:
Pain is inevitable - but suffering is optional
At first I really didn't understand the meaning, let alone know the tools how to "opt"out of suffering - I was literally mesmerized by the concept that suffering wasn't something that was inevitable but that there was a choice .... I had A CHOICE!!!! I was hooked and this was the very start of my decade of figuring out how to exercise that option.
I recently heard a youtube lecture of the legendary Carnegie Mellon professor Pausch who said like many before him: It is not the hand of cards you are dealt, it is how and which cards you play! Your life is going to happen the way it is going to happen - the way you interpret and act on it is totally within your control. You probably knew and have heard of the action part being in your control .... well, there is more good news!!! The way you interpret and perceive the world is ALSO within your control by questioning what your mind is understanding already and then looking for the dark, hidden or not immediately obvious part your mind has left out.
This in action means that whenever something "bad" happens instead of wailing and wallowing in whatever emotion or paralyzing reaction your system chooses, you have the power to rise above the situation, not by willing it, not by talking yourself "happy" or "positive" or motivating yourself to be different but merely by asking the opposite question : Well what was good about it?
It is very very VERY important to understand that you are not erasing, excusing or denying the "bad" but you are looking for the other side of the magnet in order to see the situation or person for ALL they are. For it is only when the mind sees both the "good" and "bad" in any given circumstance ... only then can you opt out of suffering. At the point where you can clearly see that there is always a complete balance of challenge and support, benefit and drawback, light and dark .... equally and at the same moment... only then is suffering over, irrelevant and non-existent.
YOU HAVE A CHOICE and an incredible mind that is more aware, more capable and more developed than you have ever imagined. YOU CAN BE A MASTER of your life and your emotions. YOU CAN achieve A BALANCED LIFE.
A balanced life begins with a balanced mind.
A - Awareness
B - Balance
C - Choice
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